As someone who struggled intermittently with sleep problems for decades and ultimately beat them, I am pleased to share what I consider the secrets of my success. None of this can be proven objectively; none of this is science; all of this is subjective and anecdotal. But it’s consistent with both science and common sense.
I assume you’re already familiar with the conventional wisdom: take it easy on the caffeine; don’t eat heavily too soon before going to bed; don’t work out hard too soon before going to bed; and so on. All that is fine. But here’s what seems to be working brilliantly for me.
Step one: clean house. Everything else can almost be considered a subset of this overarching principle. By house-cleaning, I refer metaphorically to getting one’s personal shit in order. This may seem self-evident at first glance. But this sort of mental-personal hygiene is forever a work in progress, and many of us are wandering around in various degrees of denial and delusion, so it bears a closer look. Hate your job? Deal with it. Hate your spouse? Deal with it. Need a shrink? Get one. Need to change shrinks? Do it.
Next, be very careful with alcohol. Even though I’ve always been high-functioning, I used to drink abusively most weekends of my life, thinking of it as a form of recreation. A few years ago I realized I had had enough, and abruptly quit binge-drinking. Few things disrupt sleep as cruelly as alcohol, and it gets worse as you get older. Moreover, the effects of boozing are more subtle, pernicious and persistent than we might think. You might be smashed on Saturday night and think that sin should be in the past on Wednesday, when you can’t sleep. Not so. Moreover, a penchant for getting hammered usually points to some underlying issue that has to be addressed: see step one above. I am still in the process of examining my own story, but getting to sleep is no longer an issue.
Next: exercise. Seriously burn some major calories doing hard cardiovascular exercise several times a week. The benefits are amply documented, and getting more so all the time. Don’t make excuses. Do it, and learn to love it. It’s good to lie down at night with a body that is really, legitimately tired, not just an exhausted body and a mind buzzing with all of life’s bullshit.
Next: sit. That’s the simple, unpretentious term many meditators like to use for what they practice. We call it sitting because it really is just sitting. There are many different meditation techniques, but the form I favor is arguably not meditation at all because there is no external object of concentration, no mantra, no effort to stop thinking and attain some pure state of single-pointed concentration. Sit up straight — on a cushion, or a kneeling bench, or even a chair — eyes open, looking down at about a 45 degree angle, and inhale and exhale. It’s good to set a timer so you don’t have to worry about the clock. Pay attention to what you’re doing: breathing in and out, receiving sensory input, thinking thoughts. Keep returning your attention to the experience of right now. The attention will wander — will crawl away like a turtle, or fly off like a bird. No problem, just keep coming back, time and again. Don’t worry about goals and objectives. Just sit. As Matthieu Ricard puts it with elegant understatement in one of his books, the benefits of meditating for 15 minutes a day far outweigh the scheduling difficulties. And by the way, the state of pure concentration — moments of astonishing clarity and calm — will eventually begin to happen from time to time. But not as a result of chasing after it.
Next: when it’s time for sleep, do not try. I can’t emphasize this enough. Stop trying to go to sleep. What could be more ridiculous, and self-defeating? There is no hurry. I have found it far more effective to just lie there doing nothing than to worry about the clock. Just lie down and let it happen.
Or not. The final point here is that you may do all this stuff with great diligence, and still have occasional difficulties getting to sleep and/or staying there. Maybe a bit too much coffee, or anxiety, or food, or some combination of these — whatever. When this happens, it happens. Do not worry about it. After all, what good does it do?