Professor B’s Holiday Survival Guide

Hey guess what. It’s pretty simple.
Christmas shopping:  If you have to do it, get it done. If it’s isn’t 85% done by the first week of December, you’re fucking up. Get it done.
Stay out of the malls. This bears repeating so I will say it again: stay the fuck out of the malls. Shop online as much as you possibly can. If the package delivery is a problem because you don’t have enough servants to answer the door when the UPS person comes, rent a drop from someplace like PostNet, it’s worth it. Buy shit online and you won’t have to listen to “It’s a holiday season, it’s a holiday season, doo dee doo…” and maybe just maybe you won’t feel like slashing your wrists.
Spend some money on yourself. If you have to go on a consumption binge, blow some of that cash on some of that non-essential shit you’ve been denying yourself. The self-indulgence will make you feel better about all that generosity the season is coercing you into displaying.
Drink plenty of alcohol. Actually those are words of wisdom to live by year round, but they’re especially important during this bleak season.
Enjoy! Happy holidays everybody (-: !