Coffee is sublime. It really is one of the greatest things ever invented, isn’t it. Coffee is great. Everyone knows that. And the smell of quality coffee in unsurpassed.
Hazelnut — well, it’s inoffensive in and of itself.
Flavored coffee is an abomination. Let’s face it: it is disgusting. The flavor of coffee itself is marvelous, and needs no assistance. The very notion of “flavored coffee” is insulting. Get that shit out of my face, please.
But hazelnut coffee, apparently the most popular flavor of all flavors for flavoring coffee: to say that it sucks is an understatement. It is utterly revolting. Nauseating beyond words. Horrible. A tragedy if ever there was one. It could almost be considered a crime against humanity.

In 2008,

• I got my first divorce. You know what they say about divorce: the first one’s the hardest. Let’s hope so. Anyway, the hard parts were accomplished in 2006 and 2007. In ’08 a judge signed a piece of paper.
• I sold my first piece of real estate, which was also the first and only one I have ever bought. We (ex-wife and I) sold it after property values peaked, but a couple months before they collapsed. The new owners must be pissed that they paid so much.
• I bought my first Toyota Prius. Indeed, this is only the fourth car I have owned in my 50 years. I am thoroughly satisfied. Now all I have to do is read the manuals and figure out how to work all that fancy shit. Don’t hold your breath.
• I ran my first marathon, and found it extremely enjoyable and satisfying.
• Come to think of it, I ran my first half-marathon. That’s what got me addicted to distance running.
• I took my first week-long vacation in Aruba with Amy. We enjoyed it so much, we just might go do it again.
• I had my first colonoscopy. Too much information? Sorry. Anyway the preparatory purging and fasting was not nearly as unpleasant as I thought it might be. And being knocked out cold by an anesthesiologist is always great fun. First you’re there, then you’re — not anywhere.
• I jumped off a 36-foot diving platform — twice. Can’t recommend it enough. Nothing like a good blast of pure, naked fear to wake you up.

Happy new year.