I make a remark to my teacher and he says, you should write this stuff down. You don’t have to tell me twice, for I love to write stuff down. So here is the first of what I expect will be a series of observations about the practice of Zen.
It is said that Zen is above all a practice, not a theory or philosophy. Experiential, not academic. And therefore one is supposed to do it rather than talk about it. And yet here I am talking about it, and planning to continue to do so. Oops.
OK, enough talk for now.
Author: Professor B
Lin-chi and Vernon rip shit up
As we predicted earlier, Lin-chi and Vernon continue to kick ass on behalf of VTB Consulting. That’s all there is to know.
A Tale of Two Serial Killers
When you are a season behind in your Dexter viewing, because you discovered it belatedly; when you are netflixing Season One in order to catch up; when you have just finished watching episode 11; when you have just seen Rudy kidnap Dexter’s sister: that’s when you say, goddamn that fucking Ice Truck Killer, I fucking hate that prick!
It’s a tale of two serial killers: one ever so nice, the other as mean as can be. I can’t wait to see the nice one tape the mean one to a table and cut him up with power tools.
For immediate release: VTB appoints Lin-chi, Vernon to staff
Vernon T. Bludgeon Consulting is pleased to welcome two new members to its staff:
(left to right) Master Lin-chi, and the eponymous Vernon T. Bludgeon the Cat. Both the Master and Vernon the Cat bring proven track records in inhaling, exhaling, sleeping, eating, shitting, and unprovoked aggression. We are confident that these two outstanding professionals will make a significant and lasting contribution to our organization, and will substantially enhance the already unparalleled Vernon T. Bludgeon value proposition.
Colbert for President
I am immensely grateful and relieved that Stephen Colbert is running for the highest office in the land. Now, at long last, I have a viable alternative to holding my nose, getting on my knees and acquiescing yet again to that most revolting of compromises, the Lesser Evil. I can go into the voting booth, have an enlightenment experience, jettison all that foolish left-wing progressive delusion, and suddenly become a conservative. Then I’ll write in for Stephen Colbert.
Think I’m kidding? Yeah, I am kidding about the enlightenment part.
a weekend with the Dalai Lama
This past weekend His Holiness was in great form (ouch! no double-entendre intended). A friend and I went to five two-hour lectures on abstruse Buddhist texts about Emptiness by Nagarjuna. I am more interested in Zen than I am in the Tibetan brand, but I invested the time and money in this event because I thought I could learn something from someone so highly accomplished. And I believe I did.
But this was not for wimps, no. This was a dense, cerebral exegesis of a difficult and arcane text. Much of it went over my head. It was hard to stay awake — nay, impossible. I nodded off more than once, especially after lunch at one of those good restaurants on 46th Street between Fifth and Sixth. And magnificent though the interpreter was, I think occasionally the message suffered some in translation, and became less coherent. But in case you missed it: all phenomena are empty, that is, devoid of any independent, intrinsic objective reality. Any questions?
Still, I think all this teaching went somewhere other than /dev/null. Some things are difficult to grasp, and you begin to get it after several passes at it. Moreover, as my own teacher points out, Emptiness is a matter of insight. Therefore, back to the mat.
On Sunday afternoon H.H. gave a “public” talk — geared for general audiences. He spoke the whole time in English, and was superb. The man has an uncommon gift for connecting with audiences. And he is obviously a highly evolved, wise, compassionate, all-around advanced human being. As are a lot of people. I see no reason to deify him.
Mets’ shame and disgrace, Mets fans’ anguish
At least the torture of the past two and a half weeks is over.
Mostly. Now we have to put up with Yankee fans rubbing our faces in this horrific shit. Them in the post-season, us not — how can this be happening? How? Because we are Mets fans.
But this, this is truly ugly. It would be one thing if we had fought valiantly most of the year and then simply were beaten fair and square early in the playoffs, as we were last year. Or if the reverse had happened: if we had sucked ten kinds of ass all year and then suddenly made a valiant run that simply fell short. That we could handle. But this nightmarish, total collapse, this complete falling apart, folding up and lying down to die on our own turf at the hands of sub-.500 teams, is a slap in the fans’ face that is hard to take.
But take it we will. We have no choice. We are Mets fans.
Is there something odd about this headline?
Blackwater Tops Firms in Iraq in Shooting Rate
Is it just me, or is there something a little weird and disturbing about that headline from today’s NY Times?
Do the Nats have a secret weapon against the Mets?
I rarely have an original thought about baseball so the need to share this one is urgent.
During the Mets latest series against the Nationals the guys calling the game on WFAN kept reminding us that we were getting our asses royally kicked by the lowest-scoring team in the league.
Remember that their manager Manny Acta is the former third base coach for the Mets. So he knows some things about the Mets. Let’s also remember that he was a crafty fuck. I heard that he had a little thing he would sometimes do with Spanish-speaking baserunners coming towards third. He would hold up the stop sign while telling then in Spanish to keep going, so as to decoy the opposing defense. Of course a lot of the opposition also presumably understands Spanish, but not all of them are within earshot. Sneaky!
I wonder if Manny does not have some piece of intelligence, or some exceptionally slick sign-stealing going on, or some other tactical advantage(s) that he is exploiting masterfully to thrash the Mets during this series.
Speakeasy now sucks
Once upon a time I was a satisfied customer of Speakeasy DSL, Internet service provider. The static-IP service was expensive but it worked. On the rare occasions when it did not, you could call them. When you called, a human would answer. And that human who answered would have a clue about computers and networks, and the problem would be addressed promptly. This level of service costs money and I was glad to pay.
Then I moved to a place two blocks from where I had lived hitherto. Speakeasy’s website said “Moving? Not a problem” and represented that you could get your existing service transferred to a new location. It turns out that was false. When I tried to move the service they said I had to enter into a brand new 12-month contract and go through the horror of installation. I agreed to this because it was take it or leave it. Installation proved to be a textbook study in ass-rape. With third parties like Verizon and Covad involved, making you take off work to wait for hours for their techs who then stand you up, or cannot complete the work and make you schedule another appointment, you know we are talking major ass-fucking. Another cute trick Covad pulled was sending a tech unannounced and calling me in the middle of the work day and saying “where are you? We can’t get in because you aren’t here.”
I grant you, Speakeasy is not Covad. But when I moved again a year later, I said no more Speakeasy. It’s expensive and the installation is a nightmare for which I simply do not have the time, let alone the patience.
I drew in a deep breath and signed up for Comcast’s TV/VOIP/Internet bundle, despite Comcast’s notoriously poor reputation for service. (By the way, the Comcast tech came punctually when they said he would, and did what they said he would, and the service has been perfectly fine so far.) I called Speakeasy on September 12 to cancel. They said I could not cancel without incurring a termination fee because the contract did not expire until the 22nd. I said, you coerced me into this contract in the first place after first saying I could move without extending it. And we are talking a mere ten days so what’s the big deal. Too bad, said the unctuous prick in so many words, call back and cancel on the 22nd or eat the fee. I called back on the 22nd and guess what. They said call back on the 23rd. Overnight, I got another invoice for $125 plus another $90 detailed simply as “service charges.”
So I called back on the 23rd and warned the guy who answered that I had been given the runaround and excuse me if I sound annoyed. He made it all right, and made the $90 go away — or so he says, we will see if Speakeasy comes after me for it.
They used to be a decent bunch — there was professionalism mixed with genuine human warmth and intelligence. It seems to me that since the Best Buy acquisition they have turned into just another shithead corporation determined to make the consumer navigate and endless voicemail maze, only to get fucked with and jerked around once they reach a human.